“If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.” ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
The human experiences of others often push us to learn, take lessons, and gain benefits. Their encounters with life’s events and problems guide us toward the paths we should take. When we read about a certain experience, we automatically compare ourselves to them and place ourselves in the heart of that experience. Inevitably, we learn to some extent from every real-life story we come across, stories their owners put at our disposal so we can reach conclusions that help us cope. Most of these human contexts stem from a person’s relationship with themselves, their surroundings, time, and solitude, along with other factors that can elevate or discourage us. From such stories, we select this experience, from which we can extract some insights to light our way:
“I spent most of my life surrounded by people, which is probably why I never realized I was lonely. For most of my life, the only quiet times I spent with myself were at the beginning and end of the day. Otherwise, my mind was flooded with chatter, conclusions, and conversations of varying influence on me.
This constant noise allowed me to hide my loneliness. I had many experiences, but I lacked deeper connections. As the years passed, I became busier and found that I had taken actual steps to reduce the time I spent alone. I watched TV until I fell asleep and checked my work emails first thing in the morning.
Looking back, the situation was obvious — I was terrified of being alone with my thoughts. At the time, though, I just thought I was a productive person or simply disliked feeling bored. I didn’t realize my problem until my laptop suddenly broke down. One cold afternoon, as I sat on the couch ready to watch some videos, the stream suddenly stopped, and I saw my reflection on the black screen. My phone battery had died too!
Without distractions, work, or social media to fill my mind, I came to a sudden realization: despite all my activities and social and professional engagements, I felt deeply lonely. And that had been making me miserable without me knowing it. That afternoon, I discovered I was afraid of being alone. I looked at my relationship with myself and found it lacking.
The idea of being stuck in the maze of my job was so frightening that it pushed me toward even more work. I became skilled at filling my mind with chatter. I didn’t know who I was when I was alone. I was definitely one of the many people who spend more than six hours a day on their phones, according to the 2019 Global Web Index report — I wasn’t truly alone after all. But I didn’t realize when the loneliness began!
I didn’t want to depend solely on others, so I made a plan to build my relationship with myself and be more mindful of it. First, I identified the time I needed to spend with myself and divided it into three parts: time for my individual activities, time for meditation, and time for doing something without a screen. Then I identified the times I found it difficult to be alone. Finally, I discovered the obstacles.
Mornings and evenings were the most draining for me. I realized that my wrong way of using my phone during those times was preventing me from achieving my goals, so I did the following:
Usually, my morning began by staring at my phone notifications. Instead, I got up and went for a 15-minute walk around my neighborhood. At first, it was boring — I desperately needed distraction. But the more I did it, the more I found myself able to notice the sound of birds, think about my plans for the day, untangle the emotions from the previous day, and look forward to my first cup of coffee.
I also started meditating for five minutes. Meditation was new to me, so I thought five minutes would be short enough to start building the habit. I quickly realized I needed to invest in an app for guided meditation, which really helped me stay consistent and gain real benefits from it.
Finally, I filled my evenings with reading and drawing. Both activities are hands-on, which meant I couldn’t check my phone while doing them. I was able to rediscover my love for books and drawing, my desire to learn more about meditation, and to practice it on a wider scale.
Research has proven that loneliness is harmful to my physical and emotional health, but I don’t necessarily have to look outside myself to treat my loneliness. All the changes I made to my habits pointed to one ultimate conclusion: I cannot rely on others to feel better about myself. Learning to be okay when I’m alone is crucial in my journey with myself. Likewise, I can’t start working on genuine relationships with others until I first have a strong relationship with myself.
It took a pivotal moment to reassess the situation. I needed to spend time alone, fully present — not just time without people, but away from distractions, notifications, phone calls, or emails.
I needed to change my daily habits, exercise, and practice guided meditation through an app on my phone. As a result, I gained a better image of myself and found that my relationship with myself had become deeper, more understanding, and more loving. Consequently, my relationships with others improved significantly.
Today, I am more present and self-aware than I used to be, and my advice to you is to change your habits a little and practice meditation a lot.”
The Tawazon app selects meditations such as “The Springs of Our Strength,” “The Triple Breath Exercise,” “Breath Meditation,” “Mindfulness,” “Inner Strength,” “Appreciation,” “Sea of Tranquility,” “Trauma Release,” “Self-Protection,” and “Judgments” to help you make a positive change regarding your feelings of loneliness.
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