This sudden transformation that occurs in the mind and body demands deep reflection on its nature—especially when just looking at the person you love begins to melt away stress, pain, and negative emotions, replacing them with joy, happiness, and a surge of positive energy. These feelings tend to linger over time, deeply intertwined with the mind, body, and spirit.
So, how does the brain decide whom we love? Of course, the person you love plays a role—but how can an external force penetrate the body and affect a person so strongly? There are hidden factors behind this romance and attraction. A person’s cultural background plays a major role, along with their intelligence level and upbringing. Moreover, the brain has already drawn certain standards for the kind of person we might love—even before falling in love—which greatly influences who we are attracted to.
Four key hormones play a major role in creating that strange sense of harmony and compatibility: dopamine, which boosts feelings of happiness; estrogen and serotonin, both tied to sexual desire; and testosterone, a neurotransmitter that affects mood and thinking. These hormones, along with others, work together as their neurotransmitters begin releasing chemicals that travel to the brain—each with a different chemical signature that influences our mood. Once you become aware of this, you’ll begin to understand why you feel love—and how the brain decides whom we love.
Several studies have investigated which areas of the brain are affected by love. One study revealed that deep love, especially when seeing a beloved, lights up specific areas in the brain such as the olfactory cortex and parts of the dorsal striatum. At the same time, love deactivates other regions like the temporal cortex, prefrontal cortex, and the bilateral parietal cortex.
On the other hand, this complex link between the brain and love also explains why we don’t fall in love with certain people. These emotional mechanisms prevent us from developing romantic feelings toward someone we aren’t truly drawn to. As a result, people with brain disorders may not experience love normally, due to the dysfunction or disruption of the neurotransmitters and hormones responsible for those feelings.
Given the complex traits of love and its often unexpected nature, many believe love is beyond control—that it overtakes the brain entirely. However, scientific research shows that love can, in fact, be influenced or moderated—either increased or diminished toward someone. This can be done by focusing on a person’s negative traits or imagining future scenarios that might lead to the relationship’s failure. Conversely, love can be amplified through more positive thinking. Still, love isn’t like a switch you can turn on or off instantly. Negative or positive thinking may result in only a slight, short-lived shift in emotional attachment.
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