One day, I came home and continued my daily routine. I changed my clothes, grabbed a juice from the fridge, and sat in front of the TV, searching for nothing in particular! I began to hear the thoughts running through my mind, and they were very negative: “You’re bad, no one can stand living with you, stubborn, selfish…” They were like background noise behind my head. I knew I had heard them before but had ignored them repeatedly, choosing to escape. Yet, at that moment, they stood before me, confronting me, putting me at a crossroads. I had to either sit with those thoughts or run away from them. I felt happy then, because I had more than one choice, and a shiver ran through my whole body.
The choice between going to sleep or being present and confronting those thoughts was very deep. I realized at that moment that if I didn’t take that train, it would pass me by forever. And so, I began my journey of self-discovery. After many experiences in different places and with many people, I found my way through mobile applications and guided meditation, which gave me a bittersweet experience. I still remember those first moments of silence, listening to my thoughts, struggling with all the negative ideas running through my mind, and enjoying the silence that took me far away—until I found a mobile app that, after months of following, allowed me to feel the positive change meditation brought to my life.
When I first closed my eyes, I felt like I was in a lake I had never visited before. Step by step, with the meditation coach, I allowed myself to feel comfortable and merge with the wonderful emotions flooding my mind, soul, and body. All of this was in a foreign language, so I felt that something was missing from the experience. After a short while, I realized I needed to practice meditation in my native tongue, Arabic, so I could express and understand my emotions, reach the deeply stored memories in my mind, and finally feel inner peace.
I discovered Tawazon, the first smart meditation app in Arabic, in January 2020, and for the first time, I began to relax with guided meditation in my native language. The voice of meditation coach Ilda Zaghmout came like inspiration from the app, while my memories and negative thoughts began to fade away little by little. When they returned to me suddenly, I listened to mindfulness meditations and reminded myself of the moment I was living in and the beauty of what I had now. It helped me get to know myself, converse with it, and let go of the past and the negative thoughts that came with it. This was part of the experience that led me to know, accept, and forgive myself, as well as deepen my inner dialogue, discover its beauty, and give it the love it deserves.
I lived an extraordinary experience—I let go of school memories that had hurt me for many years, an unhealthy relationship that had drained me, the deep grief of losing my father, and the anxiety and anger that came with it. I had a moment full of comfort as I let all of that go and allowed the memories to pass and fade away.
Tawazon is my companion on this exceptional journey, and I recommend exploring the meditations “Passion Journey,” “A New Beginning,” “Gratitude,” “Facing a Crisis,” and “Trauma Release,” all available on my companion, the Tawazon app.
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