My Child Plays Alone and Doesn’t Like to Share

My Child Plays Alone and Doesn’t Like to Share: Why?

As mothers, we often encounter situations where our children are unwilling to share their toys with their friends. Let’s consider a simple scenario: 
My child plays alone and doesn’t want to share a toy with his friend. I might tell my two- or three-year-old to let the other child play and promise that the toy will be returned afterward, or even offer a reward if he cooperates. But what happens then? 

My child cries and screams even more, insisting on keeping the toy to himself. 

You should know, dear, that at this stage of development, a child’s understanding of promises is still incomplete. He doesn’t grasp the idea of receiving his toy later because he wants it now. In addition, at this age, a child dislikes the idea of taking turns or sharing. When you say, “Let him play with your toy and then he’ll give it back,” your child interprets that to mean the toy will become the friend’s and he might not get it back. That’s why we must understand and analyze our children’s way of thinking based on their personalities and how they interact with their peers. 

You may now be wondering: how should I handle this situation? 

How to Handle It When My Child Plays Alone and Doesn’t Like to Share

First, we must be flexible when dealing with our children. Don’t respond to screaming with more screaming or to stubbornness with greater stubbornness. It’s important to be proactive—prepare your child ahead of time for the idea of sharing and cooperating with others. But how can this be done? 
In the first three years of life, children are in a phase where their sense of ownership is at its peak. Everything revolves around themselves—this is the age of ownership, not sharing. So, the first step is to reinforce the concept of ownership and respect for personal boundaries—whether it’s toys, clothes, or other belongings. A child must understand that they are free to control their possessions and have the choice to give or not give them to others. Once this foundation is established, we move to the second step: nurturing the spirit of sharing, after they’ve learned to respect both their own and others’ property. You may then notice your child initiating sharing and cooperation on their own. 

It’s also important to encourage sharing through role-play at home. For example, when feeding your child, say, “Now it’s your turn for this bite, and mine for the next,” or when drawing together, tell them to start the drawing and then it will be your turn. This reinforces the idea of respecting and valuing others’ desires in a gentle and age-appropriate way. 

So don’t worry, dear. These behaviors are very common among children, and know that they don’t indicate a problem with your child’s personality. Rather, it’s a developmental issue—cooperation and empathy are feelings that grow over time like a seed. Avoid labeling your child as selfish or introverted. Instead, focus on planting the seeds of cooperation and sharing, nurturing them with values and guidance in your interactions with your child. This will help develop and strengthen their ability to share over time.